a very oh so long letter to my eldest.

Dear Rylan,
I haven't written you in a while. Too long of a while.
Can I tell you how amazing you are?
How many times a day your daddy and I glance at each other and gleam with pride. We know your incredible.

About a month ago, it would have been hard to write a letter to you. You were WOW HARD. A little mind numbing perhaps.

You were still sparkly Rylan but with this mix of too much feist, you screamed 80% of any given day and were receiving a ridiculous amount of punishment, which left little time to enjoy you. And yet, one day I had a full fledged Mommy melt down, I can't take this 2 year old anymore sort of a day. One where I called daddy and uttered the words " she is making me really really going a whole lot crazy insane " .. to which daddy responded "I can see that" and then I cried, and sobbed.. cause really this wasn't supposed to be that hard. I even called AunT and had a repeat of that conversation, and she said "it will end". To which it did. Just like that.

And then I remembered you work in half years.. and so now your 2 and half.. and your first half of most years aren't easy, but your second halfs are pretty wonderful. So yeah for half years.. thats when we should throw parties... and I realized something. I love you. Even the fesit Rylan.

Even the really bad naughty sort of days.
I still love you.
I may go cuckoooo.. but yep. Love you.

Your a cool kid. If I do say so.
Your Ultra polite. Today I got you a video at a thrift store.
When I asked you if you wanted it, you shouted.. Oh wow, okay Mom, THANK YOU!!! You always say your welcome, God Bless you, be kind Caders, and your so great at using words. I counted the other day and your sentences are as big as 10-14 words. You even use lots of adjectives.

Your also very into imagination.
So then you carried that video that had penguins on it btw...
and you asked those penguins if they wanted to come to your new house? If they wanted to come and play... and that you would make them lunch, but then they had to take a nap. You then kissed each one on the cover box...

and then looked at me. "Im so silly Mommy."

You are silly, Rylan.
You play cook, You play lincoln logs. You ask "you wanna play logs?". "You want to see a puppet show?" I love the way you make sentences.
You love to look at books, read them to us, have us read them to you. You like to help pick out clothes these days, and you love to look pretty (dresses).. I think your always pretty!

Speaking of that. Your striking. Really. I think your the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I love the way your hair falls in front of your eyes, and you brush it out, and give this kind of shy look with your head to the side. Heartmelting. Thats normally when you tell Daddy and I the sweetest of things, when your hair falls just like that, and your shy titled head. Not much baby there anymore kid, your a lovely little girl. When? How? Brutally fast. I tell you.

I adore your singing voice. And your prayers. You sing a lot of:

Jesus Loves Me. Down By the Bay. Twinkle Twinkle. Grand old Duke of York. ABC's. Moon Moon. and you make up lots of your own songs... which are so great. You hum a lot too.. while you play.

Your the eptimoy of having a little girl, dress up, makeup believe, lots of hugs and kisses, moods, giggles, tickles, daddy giving horsy rides. So so fun.

I have no doubts Rylan with your loving spirit, your fiesty do everything on your own attitude, your charm. You are going to soar baby girl. I can't even fathom.

Your enjoying preschool at home with so much. We craft a lot. And right when Cade goes down for a nap, you bring me my binder with my lesson plans in it, and say lets do school mommy, not clean... :) smart girl.

And we... might have more mind numbing moments, in fact I know we will. Be patient with me. Don't learn everything from me. I love that when I wash the tub, you want to, that when I pray to Jesus your right there, that when I dance silly, so do you... but mommy has moments, her yelling times, her snippy fussy times... break free from those things. Pretty please..Take the good stuff... release the bad.

I wish I could I peek towards my next letter to you, see what you would be doing.. but then again I kind of want to freeze this. Right here. Right now. You telling Caders, that he is a good good boy, and to sleep tight, little bubba. Right this very moment over the monitor. ... sigh.....

keep it forever.
I love you and pray for you, daily.
Mommy

purging plastic

I found two old ugly chairs, one at a garage sale for .25 cents.. no joking.
And one at this really old run down thrift store type thing a couple weeks ago (sherrie you know the one) and it was $3.00...

and so I went to work on them..
and love that now in my kitchen, instead of plastic or funky weird old 70ish wood colors.. these sit here.


but what fun is a picture of the chairs, without there proud new owners...

...turning one

Cade turned one, and I envisioned the sweetest party for him.
And overall it was pretty darn cute.. but once again admist my party throwing there was very little picture taking... very very little.. like 9 frames total... gasp...

but let me tell you all about his big day.

We invited family to our mini man party.
We ordered tie napkins from spoonsisters
He wore this sweet shirt from a friend
We all wore neckties.
We made lollipop mustaches
Homemade buntings decorated the house
along with a bunch of thrifted plates in aqua, orange and lime green...
The goody bags I sewed myself, with whoopie cushions, fake noses/glasses, lollipops, and glow stick for the movie
We played Charlie Chaplin movies in the backyard
The backyard strung with lanterns
Drinking sodas out of glass bottles, and redvines
For dinner we had a variety of sausages (maybe taking the theme a little too far) but what do I care?? .. hehe.. with bow tie pasta salad, and a bunch of other sides.
We played pin the mustache on the Cade...

it was all very sweet.
But the day itself got busy, crazy busy..
and hardly any of this was captured on camera.
So sad...
but he had a blast
received the sweetest of toys that was his daddy's as a baby..
and his grandpas piggy bank... so sweet.

and to watch the cousins giggle in the backyard watching movies,
and to see Cade get so much attention
none of those details really mattered...
did they?

Party=success

and the few not so great quality pics that were taken...

the one where we stay in jammies all day...

with all of our crazy running around lately
with house painting
party throwing
yesterday I declared it jams day...
we stayed in them...
well Rylan and I did... Cade is such a nakie baby..
watched a movie
played a lot in our getting close to done playroom
read a lot of Rylans favorite book
and enjoyed each other
a great day...
wanna a peek at my life..

{he's one}

{I find them like this a lot these days in the playroom}

(I love this look of hers}

{and these new moves of his}

{and this was a puppet show gone out of control)

{it all got very very silly}

{ahhh that classic smile, both my boys have it}

(flying on mommy's legs}

{her favorite letter is U.. for umbrella.. where then she says "tut tut looks like rain}

{and then promptly brings me this... and says.. read more mama.. please, how can I refuse?}

{Cade stands by, and listens}


and I fall a little more in love... every day.
I kept trying to get pics of these rooms for you, but they are quiet the distraction.. I will soon, this will have to do... :)

the real part of mommying..

Have I mentioned that this mommying thing has been hard as of lately.
I love it.
I do.

The hugs, the sentences, reading Winnie the Pooh and hearing her giggles, and imagination.

But the will, thing.
That is hard.
The stubborness, the sobbing for a long while over a toy that was never hers to begin with. Hard. Right.

So I am struggling A) with not going fully insane
and B) with handing this over to God, and trusting that if I keep on keeping on, he will honor my prayers for my children. Knowing that I can parent until Im blue in the face, but I have to trust God to meet them on a personal level, know them, and pray with all my might, that they make that choice for themselves...

its frightenting how little control I have.
So I keep on training... keep on saying the same 3 rules of our house
day in and day out.

Be kind
Listen
and
Obey..

over and over again.
and I pray, that I teach them kindness, teach them to trust Jesus, teach them all of lifes hard little lessons...

and oh Lord, I will just keep meeting you on my knees, pleading for you to teach me, how to mommy better, and for them to know you, at an early age...

and walk with you for a lifetime...

wheeww....and as my wise sister in law says... the wiping noises, making bottles part of this was easy.. molding people.. I just don't know about all of that.

fun fall days

We have been soaking fall up, every ounce of it.
Which hasn't left much time to blog.

In the past week and a half we

-hosted a fall party of about 30 moms/toddlers/infants at our home, with soups, homemade breads, and crafts... so fun. The craft came out adorable, the fellowship was great. And we loved having the room to host that.

-made a fun happy fall banner

-we made polka dotted pumpkins

-we attended a fall festival at our church with our little monkey and lion. Rylan loved it and was such a good good girl.

-we have gone to Disney and saw all the amazing fall decor, Rylan was tall enough to ride autopia, and Cade slept in his stroller... for the second time ever. We were there all day, so much fun.

-we are finishing up our playroom, painted our kitchen, planted 5 trees, and some shrubs and flowers.

-We made KT inspired chalkboard arrows, and love them.

-We celebrated one month in our house!

-I had a birthday, which included a massage, Nick home from work, a dinner date with an amazing lobster penne pasta, and a lovely creme brulee... YUM.. and then surprise tickets to a comedy show. I may have gotten sick and gone home early, boo.....But overall one of the best birthdays ever.

-We have shopped a lot for the house.

-Cleaned out our garage... whewww.

-A lot of Drs appointments.. All is well. Thanks for praying.

-A lot of getting ready for Cades big party this weekend. We are so excited.. can't wait to show it all with you.

and we haven't taken a lot of photos.. not at all..
so here is all we have...










And all in all. We are feeling, tired, happy, inspired, worn out, and ready for a working on the house break.

and some from my birthday yesterday before Nick and I left on our date..
am I blessed or what?

put another candle on my birthday cake...

Im 28 today.
What a year...

and I must say, not sure whatever I would wish for.
Most wishes have come true... a husband, beautiful healthy babies, our home..

So when I puff up my cheeks and blow
the small blaze on top of the sweet confection....

I may just wish to keep on being refined...
keep on being a little more like.... Him.

Not a bad birthday wish at all....

If I do say so myself.

friends

our dear friends
one whom we love dearly
who prior to the move we shared meals with frequently
who we prayed with frequently
who laughed with frequently
who watched retarded tv shows with frequently
cause isn't that what friends do, eat, pray, watch...
they came for the first time to the new house on Sat.

It was a sweet time.
Of filling our home
with laughs
with the sounds of worship
from two fantastic men
and two chatty ladies
with some tears (it had been way too long afterall)
with my babies being so excited to see whom they love so dearly
with 24 and inappropriate comments (not by me, ever)
you know I lie, huh...

with dessert in between episodes
with just so much of whats comfortable
eating tri-tip under the stars
and lanterns
and not lighting anyone on fire... completely
and nothing I mean nothing has made this house seem
so normal to us...
so like.. yeah.. this is who we are...
just somewhere new...

it felt so right.

But gosh I miss them. A lot.

Love you both. So much.

felix

So yesterday we attended our neighborhoods fall festival.
It was adorable
and free
and all sorts of face painting, games
and fun.
We told Rylan it was a pumpkin party... she liked that.

There was a line of kids
and Rylan didn't even know what it was they were doing.
But she wanted to.
We kept watch until the line died down
and went.
It was the goldfish toss game.
Older kids everywhere wanted that fish. So bad.

Rylan just really wanted the candy
they gave you for trying.

Thats all.
In the ping pong ball went.
We came home with Felix.

(so annoyed this was my potty training bribe, a goldfish)

but he is stubborn and won't eat anything
and so we aren't sure how long we will have felix...

and overall it was a nice day. In the 90's, so weird.
But they had these polish dog sandwiches, that almost
took away all the pain of my constantly fussy daughter.
Almost. It was so good.
I think an hour by myself in walmart, did it later that night.
Glamorous I know.
But you all know, you gotta do what you gotta do for the sake of sanity.